YES! We are having another baby!! We are so excited and have been for many months. Our baby is at 25 weeks now and doing very well. I have enjoyed this pregnancy the last several weeks, but I have to be honest and say that I didn’t start this pregnancy with any lack of worries. Quite the opposite.
I recently read an article on worry. I realized I needed to stop worrying and rather trust God and His provision, whatever that might be. You see, we’ve had a rough time the past few pregnancies.
It was in the Spring of 2010 that we experienced our first miscarriage – after publicly announcing it to the world and sharing our excitement. We had no reason to not shout it from the rooftops from the very beginning. And then the unthinkable happened – yes something that happens to many, but a first for me – we miscarried. It was awful to be going through a miscarriage – but it seemed ever more so after announcing it publicly. It hurt so bad and it was so embarrassing.
No matter how much doctors, online research and other sources tell you that it was not your fault, it is really hard not to feel responsible in some way. One thing that I did realize was that many moms and dads had experienced this utter heart break and many offered comfort to us, which we were thankful for. But it is still hard and emotionally still too difficult to come to terms with.
That brings us to the Spring of 2011. It took well into the second trimester before I had the guts to shout it out. I had close family, friends and our local church that knew, prayed, supported and were excited, but I couldn’t let the world know until I felt more comfortable. Well, we announced this beautiful blessing but lived in fear the whole pregnancy as I bled or spotted the whole time. But even with that our miracle baby was born at 35 weeks, although the doctors and nurses communicated to us that he escaped death by just an hour. We shared his amazing story in 3 parts (part 1, part 2, part 3). And although this baby had a wonderful and happy entry into the world and has brought nothing but pure joy into our lives ever since, it was a very stressful pregnancy from week 13 onward.
So, now to our last pregnancy that you never heard about. We kept it quiet, except to close friends and family and our local church. Alex wanted to tell others, but I begged him to not. He was excited but I was just as scared and worried. And it happened again – our second miscarriage. It was heart-breaking yet again and we mourned and our kids mourned for their sibling. It was another difficult time in our lives.
And now we are to today – this joyful pregnancy! And it has gone amazingly well, despite my worry. Our baby seems to be right on track and I haven’t had any problems. I still kept it quiet until 10 weeks and then continued to slowly tell friends and family. Well, we are now only 3 months away and couldn’t be more excited!
It is really hard to keep a secret when it is something that your heart and mind cannot stop thinking about! Our kids are so excited to have another baby in the house and our family is so excited to be welcoming another family member.
In fact, this will be really fun because the day that we announced to my parents that we were having another baby, we found out that my sister had just announced to them that she is also having a baby – her first! We are both due within a couple of weeks and who knows, in the end, they could share a birthday!
Now that we are nearing the third trimester, my “honey-do’s” list is growing, my plans are growing, my ideas are expanding, my heart is exploding – not to mention my belly!
And so…you may be wondering what we are having? The picture probably makes it obvious, but IT IS A BOY!! And boy, oh boy, are our boys excited to have a brother!
Our girls are excited now, although they really wanted a sister. Their initial (if only but for a few minutes) response stated: “Brothers are annoying!” But as quickly as it was stated it was then forgotten, and now they just simply cannot wait to have a baby to hold and care for. Our girls are a little older now and this will really be the first baby that they are old enough to really help. They can’t wait. I can’t wait! My job as a mother might be pushed aside a little with their overflowing excitement and eagerness. One of our daughter’s crochets and she has been busy making all kinds of blue and green goodies for baby.
And although I am feeling much more comfortable and calm about the continuing pregnancy and upcoming birth – I can’t say that I still don’t worry. I am at a place where my worry is not nearly as much. But I am really working in my heart and life to not be filled with so much worry as worry just robs of joy and trusts in self rather than my Savior. It is a hard thing to give up. I really appreciated the article on worry that I had recently read and hope that I can fully trust and set worry aside. Despite my struggles with worry about this pregnancy (amongst other things) I thank my God everyday for His continued provision in my life and for my family despite my lack of faith.
All in all, I am one very blessed mom to have this precious gift of children and they joy they bring, even if it is sometimes a bumpy road.