It was a terrible, horrible, no good bad night! How will our story end?

We had a bad night last night.  Yes, it was miserable.  We were already getting to bed late but then adding to it a horrible quality of sleep means a sluggish and irritable morning.  Sleep is not only essential for everyone’s well being, but since turning 30, it has become even that much more essential.  If I don’t sleep the way I planned and intended, our daily schedule is completely shot. With a completely shot schedule, our home doesn’t run smoothly.  When our home doesn’t run smoothly, our family is cranky.  When our family is cranky, mommy is a mess.

Yes, I didn’t intend to write it this way, but it completely parallels the Direct TV commercials.  Have you seen these?

So what happened last night?  Well, I just have to first start off by saying that I can’t write too many posts without showing how incredibly quirky and odd I really am! I am a positive, happy, loving, yet sarcastic and dry-humored kind of gal! In fact, one of my most favorite things to do in the world is to make my hubby laugh in a way that I haven’t seen anyone else be able to make him do.  I also have a knack to get our kids to laugh at my quirkiness in a way that no one understands.  But last night was a different kind of quirkiness coming out in me and made for one of the worst nights ever!

With five kids ages 8 and under, I expect to be woke up about 4 out of 7 nights by at least one child.  My side of the bed is the door side, so I am the one that gets bothered.  I mind it, but ultimately I don’t mind it as they are my kids and they really to have various needs in the middle of the night.  So when I have a bad night of sleep and it wasn’t because I had the opportunity to serve my children in the middle of the night, it makes me very irritable.

So going back to the original question……. what happened last night?  Shall we name them Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb? Yes, we will use those names for those two angry, loud, and obnoxious flies.  And yes, those two little eensy weensy flies ruined my whole night.  I apparently do not have much experience trying to sleep in a room where two flies have decided to take up residence and sabotage the hand that shelters them.

As I mentioned above, we were already getting to bed a lot later than we wanted.  I was reading a magazine.  Alex was on his side reading too.  Then we heard this very loud buzzing, I mean quite loud actually! We heard the annoying noise for several minutes before we actually saw them: two flies buzzing around, angry that we had invaded their space.

I tried to ignore it…. but it was really, really starting to annoy me! Then one took a dive down and swooped right in my face! That was it…. I was going to kill it! I rolled up my magazine and like a monkey swinging from a tree, I was batting at the dumb thing.  Then the other started diving at me and I was after two angry flies.  The whole time, Alex was quietly watching out the corner of his eye at me trying to defeat these two beasts.  I went at it for several minutes and he just sat there.  I was now starting to get irritated with him too.  Didn’t he want to be my hero and save me from those ghastly monsters!

Fine, he didn’t care.  But I told him “I can’t sleep with these things flying around in here and diving at me.”  He said, “I know they are very loud and annoying, but I don’t think they are trying to get you.”  I said, “Yes they are, the harder I try to get them the more of a teasing cat and mouse game this becomes.”  I told Alex several times that I would not be able to sleep and he just said, “I’m sorry!” Then one landed a few feet from my face, it was looking at me and staring me down.  I tossed the magazine on top of the stupid fly and it landed on him! My arms pumped up into the air, declaring myself the winner – only half a second later for him to crawl out from underneath the magazine and fly up into the air again!  I swear, I heard the stupid thing say, “nanny, nanny boo boo”.  Alex can’t confirm that, but I know what I heard!

I was livid.  I rolled my magazine up again and started swinging.  I was swinging like a monkey through the jungle.  I was swinging harder and harder each time I missed them.

Then it happened….. I was already on an adrenaline rush, my muscles were more than warmed up now and I took a big swing at the flies and my tightly-rolled up magazine hit Alex in the face really, really hard.   He screamed at me and we both jumped out of bed and he was yelling, yes yelling at me for smacking him in the face really hard!  I didn’t do it on purpose – his face was in the way!  But he acted as if I purposely intended to warm up my muscles to make my magazine bat more powerful than ever with the sole purpose of making contact square on his face!

I said…. “Hello, what do you think I have been doing for the last several minutes??  I have told you that I cannot sleep with these things in here and you just don’t care. So between you now mad at me and the flies trying to get me…. I am sleeping on the couch as I can’t sleep in here with all of you!”

I started storming downstairs and I really was going to sleep on the couch.  I could not sleep and he didn’t understand.  But, Alex has maintained a rule in our house, which is very good and one I appreciate.  That rule is is we will not sleep separate from each other no matter what (except for the obvious events of traveling, etc.).  Why, because this forces us to work out issues without letting the sun go down on our anger. So it wasn’t the dumb flies themselves that was going to get him to help me, but the fact that because of them and him now being angry for attacking him, I was going to sleep elsewhere that was going to get Alex out of his comfortable reading time and get rid of these things.

So we fashioned a plan.  We turned off all of our lights in the bedroom and turned on the bathroom light with the intent of luring them into the bathroom.  It worked, we got them in there, shut the door and then Alex took a rolled up towel and shoved it at the bottom of the door so they wouldn’t get out.

After the door was shut, we looked at each other speechlessly.  Then between seeing just how clearly and visibly distressed I was combine with his big ol’ red welt on his face, we started laughing…….. and then went back to bed.

I thanked him for finally taking action to save me.

We closed our eyes and Alex fell asleep immediately.  My adrenaline was just too high to do that.  But then the unthinkable happened: the buzzing started again.  I was practically in tears, tired and dodging the fly by hiding under my sheet.  Apparently we only trapped one and the other was even more mad.

But as I said, Alex was asleep.  I didn’t want to wake him, or worse yet, give him a second welt while he was sleeping.  So I got up, opened our bedroom door and turned on the hall light hoping that the stupid thing would be attracted to the light and stay away from me.  It only partly worked.

Yes, the fly stayed away.  But because I can’t sleep unless its very dark I dozed in and out of sleep all night.  Just so you know how much darkness I need when I sleep, we have darkening shades in our room.  So at the end of my night’s story, I had a light shining in my eyes all night from the hallway meaning that although the buzzing finally stopped, I got terrible sleep.  I wasn’t about to shut the door or turn off the lights in case he was still in our room.

So what’s the moral of the story?  We’re not sure yet – we need an ending.  Can you help us?

If I don’t sleep the way I planned and intended, our daily schedule is completely shot. With a completely shot schedule, our home doesn’t run smoothly.  When our home doesn’t run smoothly, our family is cranky.  When our family is cranky, mommy is a mess.  When mommy is a mess….what happens?!

Will our house explode?  I hope not.  But we really need to you help us know how this day will end.  Share with us – if you were watching this as a commercial, just how would it end?